


lunacy, lies, and lemon shorts

by orphan_account



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: F/F, Gen, LOONA ensemble - Freeform, crackfic, discontinued sorry!, ships are really minor, the main ship here is loona x chaos
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-23
Updated: 2020-05-23
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:48:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24333883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Jinsol is happy to deal with the demands of journalists, Orbits, and fansites any time. But none of them could have prepared her for the bloodthirsty, relentless fervor of 11 LOONA members that really, really want her help with their vlogs.(AU where a Brooklyn 99 heist episode meets LOONATheDorm and chaos ensues.)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 27





	lunacy, lies, and lemon shorts

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by Brooklyn 99's Halloween Heist episodes, as well as by sofakehappy's "The Halloween Heist" LOONA AU with a similar premise!

Jungeun stares at the wall for a bit, astonished, before glancing to Heejin beside her. She hasn’t been in the 1/3 dorm in a while. But still... “Did you guys always have a crazy detective board?”

Heejin shakes her head. Like Jungeun, her eyes are locked onto the absolute mess of photos and diagrams pinned into the wall, all connected by a tangled web of red string. She turns to Haseul and Vivi, who are standing on either side of the board with serious expressions. “It’s only been half an hour? How did you – ?”

“No time for questions!” Haseul cries, smacking the wall with a long pointer for emphasis. One of the pictures – Jinsol’s headshot – falls off. Vivi sends over a stern look, and Haseul is quick to pin it back up, immediately flustered. 

Vivi clears her throat. “Okay, here’s the plan. We’ll be initiating a three-pronged attack, and we will be splitting into teams to maximize our effectiveness. First - ”

Hyunjin, standing in the farthest corner, suddenly holds a finger up. “Wait a minute.” She quietly crosses the room, approaching the door, and then without warning kicks it so hard that Jungeun and Yeojin both yelp in terror.

There’s two answering screeches on the other side that sound distinctly like Hyejoo and Chaewon. “Alright, that should take care of any eavesdropping. Continue,” Hyunjin says calmly.

Jungeun makes a mental note to check the two for concussions later. Haseul’s eyes are wide, but Vivi just looks mildly impressed and motions for them to huddle closer, speaking a little more quietly now. “So, the teams…”

~

_Thirty minutes earlier:_

Jung Jinsol is a woman of many talents. She invests a lot of time into becoming a true triple-threat entertainer, and even though she’s got a lot to handle, she can usually balance all her demands. No matter who wants a piece of her – eager journalists, admiring Orbits, devoted fansites - she’s always happy to deliver.

…or so she’d thought, until she’s suddenly facing her greatest challenge of all.

Because she’s happy to deal with journalists, Orbits, and fansites any time. But none of them could have prepared her for the bloodthirsty, relentless fervor of 11 LOONA members that really, really want her help with their vlogs.

She should’ve seen this coming. The quiet pleas for help have been building for weeks, as each member slowly finds out that editing content can be a huge pain.

But the real trouble starts when Jinsol finally finishes her own LOONA Log. The long-awaited vlog is posted to YouTube, and that very night, as the other members observe the popular response, the begging reaches a fever pitch. 11 members swarm her at once, imploring shamelessly.

“Jinsol-unnie! Your drawings are so cute, won’t you help me add some to my vlog?”

“Please, Jinsol-unnie, subtitling takes so long, but you do it so fast!”

“Jinsol, I won’t make fun of you for _a whole week_ if you help me with mine!”

And even Jinsol has her limits. “Stop!” She yells, silencing the squabbling on all sides. “I’ve told you for weeks! I can’t help ALL of you with your vlogs!”

“…What about just some of us then?” Sooyoung asks, pointing at herself.

Jinsol rolls her eyes. “I’ll help SOME of you, yes. But!” She holds her hand up as everyone starts to clamor again. “We have to settle this fairly. We’ll…” Her gaze settles on the TV. An episode of Brooklyn 99 is playing, and a brilliant idea takes root. “We’ll settle this with a heist!”

And so, THE RULES OF THE HEIST.

_The objective:_

Jinsol has hidden her lemon shorts somewhere in the dorms. Each team has 12 hours (noon to midnight) to find them and win the grand prize.

_The teams:_

Team 1//3: Heejin, Hyunjin, Haseul, Yeojin, Vivi, and Jungeun.  
Team yxyxy: Yerim, Sooyoung, Jiwoo, Chaewon, and Hyejoo.

_The prize:_

Jinsol’s vlog editing skills go to every member of the winning team.  
But no one finds the lemon shorts, then Jinsol wins – and no one can beg her to edit a vlog _ever again._

~

Jinsol is working diligently on her songwriting when she receives a text from Heejin.

_Jinsol-unnie! Come to the living room when you’re free. Hyunjin and I have a surprise for you xoxo_

Jinsol is suspicious. Does this have something to do with the heist? She glances at the time; it’s only a quarter past noon. Heejin and Hyunjin are a clever pair, yes…but surely they haven’t had enough time to plan something evil yet?

So Jinsol decides to humor them. She’s still careful to lock the door behind her as she leaves the Frog Eye Circle dorm.

Unfortunately, as soon as she reaches the living room, she realizes she shouldn’t have underestimated the power of 2Jin.

Heejin waves at her, but Jinsol doesn’t wave back, attention drawn to the massive box on the table. It’s a limited edition Gundam model – actually, it’s the missing piece to a set that Jinsol has been eyeing for a while.

“Do you like it?” Hyunjin’s eyes sparkle mischievously.

Jinsol can hardly believe it. “How did you even get this? I’ve been checking the site constantly and it’s always out of stock.”

Heejin just winks at her. (Several weeks ago, the 1/3 members had spent a night hunched over their laptops, waiting in the pre-order queue so they could surprise Jinsol for her birthday. But this morning, they’d collectively agreed that they’d just get her another present after the heist.)

“It’s all yours!” Hyunjin pipes up. “And all you have to do is tell us where your lemon shorts are! Don’t you think that’s a great deal, Heejin?”

“It’s a steal!” Heejin nods, taking Hyunjin’s hand to squeeze it in agreement, and they grin fondly at each other.

Jinsol ignores their heart eyes and swallows hard, thinking carefully about her next move.

“Well. I’m impressed,” she says finally, “but I can’t be bought that easily.” As she speaks, she stares unblinking at the giant Gunpla.

Hyunjin’s mouth twists into an exaggerated pout. “Aw, what a shame.” She scoops up the box; Jinsol’s gaze follows its movement. “Well, I guess we tried. Heejinnie, walk with me?”

Jinsol frowns as they walk to the front door and begin to put on their shoes. “Wait, where are you going?”

Hyunjin smirks, adjusting the box in her arms. “This thing definitely isn’t going to fit in the dorm trash can, and the dumpster’s a bit of a walk so I don’t want to go alone.”

“But you’re welcome to come with us!” Heejin adds brightly.

Jinsol gapes. “What?! That’s so wasteful, can’t you…can’t you just return it? Or keep it for yourself or something?”

Heejin shakes her head. “Ah, you know the manager likes us to keep our rooms tidy, and there’s not much space left in our dorm for something as big as this. Plus, the store said no refunds.”

“Looks like there’s nothing we can do!” Hyunjin adds a little too cheerfully. “Unless…?”

Jinsol scowls, eyes flitting furiously between their innocent smiles. Brats.

“…Let’s come to a compromise,” Jinsol offers, voice only a little bit desperate, and those twin smiles just grow brighter.

~

While Hyunjin and Heejin deliver their sales pitch, Vivi and Haseul use Jungeun’s key to snoop through Jinsol’s room.

“I can’t find the shorts,” Haseul sighs. It’s been ten minutes of fruitless searching, and time’s almost up. She scans the room again, as if a clue might turn up with just one more discerning gaze, but there’s nothing. “Maybe they’re not in here?”

“I didn’t find them either. But…I think I found something else,” Vivi says softly. Haseul perks up, rushing to her side.

It’s a journal. Simple black leather covering with LOONA embossed on the front; it was part of a set of 12 gifted to the whole group at a fansign. And taped neatly beneath the group’s name:

_Property of Jung Jinsol. **Private.**_

“Is that Jinsol’s diary?” Haseul frowns. “I don’t know…”

Vivi looks similarly conflicted. “Should we - ?”

Hyunjin’s voice suddenly booms from the hallway, warning them of Jinsol’s return. Without a second thought, Haseul shoves the journal into her waistband, grabs Vivi by the hand, and runs.

~

Jinsol, Hyunjin, and Heejin wrap up their transaction with an awkward set of handshakes, and then they head down the hallway back to their respective dorms.

“JINSOL, wait a minute!” Hyunjin shouts without warning; Jinsol startles and spins around to glare at her. “Before you HEAD BACK TO YOUR ROOM - "

“What the hell are you shouting for?! I’m right here!”

“Sorry,” Hyunjin says, not sounding sorry at all. “I just remembered - !”

They’re cut off by a scream from the yyxy dorm, and Jinsol spins back around, rushing to open the door.

For some reason, Yeojin is chasing after Yerim with a giant foam sword.

“Give me the KEY!” The smaller girl yells, whacking furiously.

“Silly Yeojin, you’ll have to pry this key from my cold, dead hands!” Yerim’s smile never drops, even as she wrangles Yeojin into a chokehold.

Over her shoulder, Heejin and Hyunjin look concerned, but not confused, so Jinsol demands an explanation.

“It was Haseul’s idea,” Hyunjin tells her. “You, Jungeun, Yerim, and Yeojin all share the same dorm. Yerim is the only one on Team yxyxy with a key to the Frog Eye Circle dorm, so if Yeojin steals it from her, they can't look through your room.”

Heejin nods. “I thought Yeojin would be a little subtler about it, but…” Yeojin has managed to grapple Yerim to the ground, and they’re now barrel rolling on the floor.

Jinsol hums in understanding, surreptitiously patting her pocket to make sure her own key is still there. “Are you guys going to help her, then?”

“Oh, no, Yeojin was very insistent that we leave it to her. She wanted a fair fight,” Heejin says, a note of admiration in her tone for the girl’s chivalry. Yeojin is now sprawled face down on the ground as Yerim sits on the maknae’s back and tries to catch her breath; Yeojin squirms adamantly, shouting a string of ridiculous insults all the while.

“I see…Do you think we should stop them before they get hurt?” Yeojin wriggles out from beneath Yerim’s weight, and in an instant the two combatants begin chasing each other with pillows, completely ignoring their spectators.

Heejin, Hyunjin, and Jinsol exchange a look, then close the door without another word.

~

Jiwoo is sitting on the couch, tapping fervently on her phone. Making plans with the enemy, perhaps? Jungeun studies her, remembering Haseul’s words: “Make sure you grill Jiwoo about what yxyxy is planning. That girl will squeal faster than a baby penguin under enough pressure.” Jungeun nods to herself, takes a deep breath, channels her acting skills. She can do this.

“Jiwoo!” Jungeun grins widely as she sits next to her on the couch and wraps her in a huge side hug. “I’m so happy to see you.”

Jiwoo’s a little surprised, but who doesn’t love a hug? “I’m always happy to see you too! What’s up?” She snuggles further into Jungeun’s side.

“Just wanted to see my best friend.” She pulls back to look Jiwoo in the eye, forcing her cutest expression. “We’re best friends, right, Jiwooming?” Jungeun’s pouting so hard that her lip feels like it’s going to fall off. Haseul and Vivi owe her big time for this.

“Of course! Don’t pout,” Jiwoo protests, also beginning to pout in concern. She slides her thumb gently over Jungeun’s bottom lip, pushing it back into place.

Jungeun coughs and immediately retreats to a place of safety, resting her head on Jiwoo’s shoulder. She hopes her blush isn’t as visible as it feels. “Right, uh, anyways…I wanted to ask you something. Best friends share everything, right?”

“Of course! Almost everything!” Jiwoo nods cheerfully.

“Exactly! So – wait, _almost_?” All traces of aegyo completely drop from Jungeun’s face, and she sits up. “Hey, wait a minute, I share everything with you!”

“Aw, that’s so sweet! You must really trust me,” Jiwoo coos. “I trust you too, Jungeun!”

“Then what are you keeping from me?” Jungeun whines, her true mission completely forgotten.

“Oh, besides yxyxy’s plans for the heist, which you’re obviously trying to trick me into confessing? Nothing.” Jiwoo smirks and ruffles Jungeun’s hair. “Your acting hasn’t improved much since Woomanna, huh? Don’t worry, I can teach you!”

“…Ugh, I really need a new best friend.”

~

“A hint? That Gunpla was a huge bribe! I almost died for this team, and meanwhile all you could get from her was a hint that probably won’t make any sense?!” Yeojin groans in disbelief (or maybe pain; she switches her ice pack to the other side of her head).

Heejin and Hyunjin (both 50,000 won and ten pastries richer, unbeknownst to the rest of 1//3) just look sheepish.

“It’s a good hint! Plus, a hint is better than nothing! And…Jinsol’s a tough one to crack, you know,” Heejin offers lamely.

Jungeun’s eyes narrow. “How hard did you try? I bet I could’ve gotten more info out of her.”

“Oh yeah? Remind us how well things went with Jiwoo again?” Hyunjin counters.

“Not the point!”

“Anyways, children,” Haseul cuts in. “Let’s try and figure out what this hint means, at least. What was it?”

Heejin nods, eager to prove her usefulness. “The hint was.” She pauses dramatically. “ _Will you whisper to me? You’re the déjà vu that wakes me up._ ”

“Are you kidding me?!” Yeojin jumps up from her seat, outraged, then winces and immediately sits back down. “That’s just the first lyric of Butterfly! That doesn’t mean anything! Maybe she just wanted to sing!”

“No, it has tons of meaning!” Hyunjin argues. “For example! It’s an older song, so maybe she hid the shorts in the boxes with all our gifts from the [X X] comeback. Or since the song’s central theme is about butterflies, maybe she’s telling us we need to look outside.”

“The lyrics could mean something too,” Heejin adds. “Whispering…I don’t really know what that would hint at. But the part about waking up, maybe we need to look under her pillow?”

“It’s possible, I didn’t check there,” Vivi agrees, looking less skeptical than before.

“Alright...I guess the hint isn’t so bad,” Jungeun concedes. “But it’s still really open ended. We have plenty of theories, but if none of them are right, we’re just wasting our time with a wild goose chase.”

Yeojin sighs. “Yeah. But all of our other plans failed, so I guess we don’t have a choice.”

Haseul grimaces. She didn’t want to bring it up if she didn’t have to, but... “Actually, there’s one last thing we could try?”

~

1//3 deliberates for a good fifteen minutes: are petty things like ‘morals’, ‘ethics’, and ‘privacy’ really necessary when the stakes are so high?

Afterwards, Haseul and Vivi meet up with Jinsol in the kitchen.

Haseul has put on her leather jacket; it gives her confidence. “We’ve found something of yours you might want back,” she asserts, holding up the journal.

Jinsol looks surprised. “Oh? What are you implying?”

“Tell us where the shorts are, and we’ll give you your diary back, unopened.” Vivi challenges.

“Or what?”

“Or else…we’ll read it out loud,” Haseul says, but she sounds unsure.

“Ah, I see. So, you’re blackmailing me? Emotional blackmail?”

Haseul and Vivi laugh nervously. “I wouldn’t call it that?” Vivi offers weakly. “Just…ah…negotiation.”

Jinsol shakes her head. “I was expecting this from Sooyoung, honestly. Or maybe even Hyejoo. But Cho Leader and the only unnie I respect?”

“Give us a second,” Haseul says through a clenched smile, spinning around to talk privately to Vivi and dropping her smile immediately. “What are we doing?” She hisses, despondent. “I can’t do this!”

“It does seem a little wrong,” Vivi agrees. “But…remember what Hyunjin said?”

“No!”

Vivi deflates. “Me neither. I was trying to listen, but she was talking so much. It sounded really persuasive though.”

Haseul sighs, tugging at the lapels of her jacket for strength. “Okay. Look, Jinsol’s bluffing, right? I mean, so are we, but there’s two of us, and one of her, so she’ll crack first. That’s just math.” Vivi nods hesitantly. “So. We’ll just read a few lines, enough to make her nervous. She’ll give in, and then we can walk away mostly guilt free!”

Vivi nods more fervently now, convinced, and they turn around to face a bemused Jinsol.

“Everything alright?”

“Yes,” Vivi says grimly.

“We’ve decided,” Haseul affirms. “Until you tell us where those lemon shorts are, you’ve left us with no choice.”

Jinsol merely cocks her eyebrow, arms crossed.

“Alright. Go ahead, do your worst.”

Haseul and Vivi falter once again, exchanging glances.

But, well, those vlogs aren’t going to edit themselves.

Haseul sighs, mouth set in a thin line, and hands the journal over to Vivi, who cracks it open to the middle and begins reading. “June 20. Today we traveled to Incheon for more filming. The location was so beautiful, even if I was a little distracted...”

Vivi falls silent, eyebrows shooting up into her bangs when she sees the sentence that follows. She looks up, uncertain. Maybe she’s reading it wrong – maybe her Korean is out of practice? Jinsol is biting her lip so hard she’s close to chewing it off, a strange expression on her face. But Haseul gives her a soft, encouraging, only slightly troubled smile, and the sweetness of it makes Vivi forge forth.

“Um. The rest of it says…Vivi unnie looked so pretty today, sometimes I could barely look at her, and I thought my heart was going to –“

Haseul cuts Vivi off with a strangled shriek, ripping the diary from her hands, while Jinsol finally explodes with laughter.

The leader spins to face Jinsol, betrayed. “WHAT THE HELL? It’s not YOUR diary?!”

“That’s what I call karma, baby!”

Vivi looks between them, starting to blush. “Huh? Then whose diary is it?”

Jinsol grins. “You wanna answer that one, Haseul?”

Haseul chases Jinsol around the kitchen counter for ten minutes before Vivi can finally stop her. (Jinsol just cackles maniacally the entire time.)

**Author's Note:**

> in our next episode: will team yxyxy somehow manage to be even more chaotic than team 1//3? stay tuned to find out!


End file.
